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(At this point please accept my apologies for repetitive use of the eff word. Normally I’m quite the well-spoken little madam. Confessing I’ve been screwing my Daddy has brought out a new me. I might be subconsciously hiding something from myself, but terms like “making love” do not seem appropriate anymore. No, “fucking” is the word that best fits the bill.)Of course I should have known better than to trust the great British climate.By the time we neared Peterborough conditions overhead had changed significantly for the worse. It had become more like a nuclear winter than any sort of summer. By the time we reached Wakefield it was raining heavily. And, by the time we reached my home town, the rainwater was coming down in stair-rods.AdvertisementsMy intention had been to walk the mile between the railway station and that evening’s pub, drawing a few admiring glances as I went . . . but not in that monsoon. Damning the expense, I piled into the first available taxi and, five minutes. All this I hope you may excuseAnd that this story may amuse -Because it touches on that themeWhich courses through our secret dreams.Our hero, who I'm sure you'll likeWas known, 'til recently, as Mike.What caused the change a few can tellThough none can understand it well.It seems poor Michael had a date,And fearing failure as his fateThe night before he'd gone to townTo drink his blackest worries down.To reach the pub, 'The Golden Ball',He took a shortcut through the mallAnd found an unfamiliar sightUnknown to him before that night.A shop had opened - 'Spells R Us' -Where Mike was sure that no shop was,So, curious, he went insideTo see what help it could provide.The shop bell rang and up there sprangA robed and wizened little man,Who greeted Mike with warmth by nameAs if he were of greater fame.Confused indeed our hero wasAnd not surprisingly becauseHe'd never seen this man beforeHe'd walked in through that heavy door.The old man smiled a knowing smileAnd to explain he took a.
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