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The cold air rushed against my barely clad form, but the open windows were the only way I had to remind me that I was still alive. My soul was tortured and my heart was broken. I was alone and lonely and my sadness wrapped brittle fingers across my mind. The blank screen across the room mocked me. No words from anyone in days. Nothing but silence brought about by my own weaknesses. My deepest fear was realized time and again…no one wanted me, for any amount of time. I always fucked up and they always walked away. There was an empty bottle of wine that lay shattered against the locked door. I didn’t know why I had locked it. No one would be coming to see me, to save me. This was my own personal hell, created for and by me. This is where I would live, the monstrosity of pain that I had built on trying to be what no one really wanted. I had not eaten for days. The hunger pangs had stopped long ago. I was starving, but on many levels which had nothing to do with food. The starvation. ”“Jesus, Howie! What’s the matter with you?”“See there you go, taking Mom’s side!” I protested. “At least hear me out!”“Of course I’m taking Mom’s side. You don’t do things like that. I mean not at home where there’s always a chance you’ll get caught.”“Listen, Stephie, you don’t understand. Mom was pretty much okay with it as far as that goes. I mean, yeah she yelled at first, but then she had us clean up and talked about condoms and birth control and all that.”“You’re telling me Mom was reasonable with you?”“Yeah ... but there’s more; I’ll try telling you in the order in which things happened. First she told me---this was after Reggie left for home---we could use my bedroom for sex so long as we took precautions.”Holy shit! She never would have told me that. You are the favored one, brother.”I laughed and said, “It gets better, or worse depending on your point of view.”“Oh, maybe you should hold on a sec. I need to get comfortable.”“What now you’re curled up on the bed, Sis?”.“Mmmm,.
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