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Unlike Michael I didn’t win her heart. I did win her friendship and in the process she reignited my humanity which had been all but extinguished by the time I had met her at 13. I wear a tattoo in her honor. If she was still alive she’d beat my ass for that, but alcohol killed her several years ago.No Father, no money, no status, no social skills, what I did have was a mind. I found that the more I used it and the more it was recognized the more respect I got. It eventually allowed me to have mentors which guided me to fulfill my life’s goal. I also found myself accepting it as my due to have professors in certain fields accepting me as their peer even though I carry no degree. To have it stripped from me is in a sense being cast back into that childhood that I worked so hard to get away from. To have it put in front of me so bluntly today was agonizing. At one point, I found myself wondering what the barrel of my pistol would feel like against my temple. It wouldn’t hurt. A friend. He literally jumped. “JAZ!!” he swapped it to his other hand, staring at it and rubbing his fingers as it was just ever so slightly sticky. He sniffed it. “Whose is this and what are you doing with it?” His mind didn’t want to believe. Also it is the biggest one they make.“It’s ours,” I managed not to grin, “we share it, and it suddenly stopped and it’s not the batteries we charged them.”“Jaz...” he was still staring at it and shifting it from hand to hand, “what ... what are you doing with this?”“We get off with it obviously.”“It’s a...” his mind was refusing to work properly.“Vibrator. Lots of girls have them.”He looked at Lils, then at the vibe again, and back at Lils, trying to match them up.“Can you fix it?” she asked. She gave a little squirm from side to side.He put his laptop down and stood up. “I’ll have to see.” it was like he wanted to take it apart so it wouldn’t be a vibrator any more. I wondered if we’d get it back or if we’d have to order a new one. “I’ll have a look.
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