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But it is time to come back down to Earth. I have had my head in the clouds so long I barely remember what it feels like to have solid ground under me. I look back on the last three years of my journal and feel I am reading a fantasy novel, and a poorly-written one at that.I feel quite embarrassed. In my defense, I felt like I was making real progress. I believed that everything I was experiencing was real, the result of my wild speculations into the way the human mind works. Yet the more time I spent with my therapist, bless her heart, the more we both realized I was fooling myself.Oh, the theory is sound. The Darkness indeed maintains control by the manipulation of our faults and our dark desires. Where I failed was thinking I could magick-up something which could bypass that. One of my previous journal entries put it best, but perhaps not in the way I had intended: I am tampering with forces I do not understand.I also recall mentioning that I felt like I was cheating. I did indeed. That gave me THE most terrific feeling. I lifted my head and said "you want it?". She picked herself up, and shoved me backwards, climbing up on me in the same motion. Then she looked down at me while getting firmly in the saddle. Sitting straight up above me, she was knock-out sexy. She had lowered herself onto my wet Dick in one try, and had already started a pogo motion up and down on top of me. "You like it?" came from her ... I tried to raise up, but she shoved me back down. I mustered "I love it!!!", to which she said "just be still while I GET OFF" In a couple of minutes, we were both sweating up a storm, especially her ... drops of her perfumed sweat were falling on my chest as she continued to RIDE the hell out of me. She looked and saw my helplessness, so she leaned over very slowly, opened her mouth, and aimed at my face, tongue first. We locked in that position for awhile, with tongues working very hard on each other – the many "flavors" I tasted didn't matter. I realized.
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