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The last few entries were different though. The tone of her writing had changed. The second to last entry in particular sent shivers down my spine that definitely didn't come from the cold."Mom and Dad don't trust me anymore. I can see it in there eyes. They think I'm either lying or crazy. I don't blame them. I'm not sure if they aren't right. I can't sleep anymore. I stare across the room at that closet and wait for the eyes. Mom doesn't see them, she thinks I want attention and Dad's decided that I'm trying to get away with something. And then there's David. How could I have thought that he really loved me. I think about death, diary, all the time. I think that maybe that's the only way that I'll be safe from him."The last entry was dated on Halloween night. The night that the murders had happened. One year ago tonight. The thought gave me a start. I knew about the murders. Anyone who read the papers or watched TV had at least heard of the name Saint and had some idea of what had. I walked over to my pickup but changed my mind and went back inside. I had a cup of decaf while I calmed down enough to drive semi-safely. I realized that I wasn't as done being afraid as I'd thought. While we were talking together in the restaurant, she'd made me feel safe. As soon as she was gone, so was the safe feeling. She was too pretty and I was still full of fear. I hated my ex wife for the way she left me._________ Wednesday night Phone sex: The first thing she said when I answered the phone Wednesday night was, "Are you doing okay?" I told her that after she'd driven away I was surprised to find myself a little afraid. I was bending the truth pretty far, the word "little" didn't apply at all. Then I told her I thought she looked nice (again) and asked her how she was feeling. She sounded like she really meant it when she said, "Relieved. You have know idea how scary it is for a woman to go on a first date feeling like a cow. .
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