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Nice guy, Biff was. He'd go to one of the familiar haunts, plop down on a barstool, order a beer, and make like he was lonely and looking for a good time. It was only a matter of minutes before someone sat down next to him and made a move."Hey, dude. You're new here, right?" Uh-huh." Not much action tonight. Thursdays are usually slow. But, it can get interesting. Buy you a drink, stranger?" Wouldn't mind."It didn't take long to get past the small talk, exchange smiles and maybe an "accidental" touch or two."I'm Dana. And you're... ?" Biff. My place or yours?"A piece of meat, that's all his pickup was. Sure, Biff might accept a blow job if offered. But, that was the absolute limit, he insisted. Hey, it wasn't as if he actually... Once, though, in a late-night drunken confession, he had let on that what he was really after was getting up the the back passage. "Tighter'n a pussy, and not as sloppy." Well, look," I said to him then, "if you're getting what you want, do you have to pound. ''Does anyone at work ask, you know, if you're with anyone?''Yes, a few times. I've been saying I'm spoken for. If they're interested, I tell them about you.'Maybe that was enough commitment-making for one day. We fell silent for a minute or two. Then, no longer serious, he said, 'So you haven't been with anyone, but I hope you won't mind me asking ... have you had any offers?'This was a leading question. If I said yes, lots, it would sound like I had been deliberately leading people on. If I said no, then it would sound like my faithfulness was a result of lack of opportunity. I said, 'A couple of people looked like they might be interested. Has anyone been after you?''Not a soul. Guess I'd better try to hang on to you.'A letter from The Rocking Boulders' management company arrived the next day. It commissioned me to provide professional services pursuant to the completion of an autobiography of Rick Schwagger. Further instructions were to be given by Andy Handman, who was authorized.
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