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” Why was I doing this? My little brain was surely controlling my body now in its hunger and desire for physical gratification and some affection… for some pussy!I tried to get and keep a positive attitude about my marital relations with my wife, but things with us had just drifted farther apart. I guessed it was the stress and strain of raising two girls, working hard to make a living, etc, but our sex life was all but over and stayed on that low, almost monotonous level for years. We were lucky to have intercourse two or even three times a year.Whenever we did have sex, I always made sure that I was kind and gentle. We had agreed early on in our marriage that we both preferred the slow, easy kind of sex rather than the hard, fast paced kind.Due to my civic activities, we were invited to join with twelve other couples to travel to Florida for a convention and conference. We looked forward to this as we had had the same sort of experience and had gone to Hawaii the previous year. I. The things that quantify this house–the decor a fragile personality has arranged, the kitchen his other life claims for herself, the bedroom a wife defends with spiteful threats of death–exist mostly as background noise for the red-haired woman who arrives with certainty. It must be here she comes, for few other possibilities exist for them. His car would be too awkward. Her van would be too noticeable. Renting a motel to use for only ninety minutes would seem too seedy. And they certainly cannot be whole within the structure of her other life–too many people, too many responsibilities, too many ways to be discovered. In his house, they have little to fear. The raging tempest of his life has withdrawn. Unable to cope with the intensity of her own accusations, unable to detect any clues to confirm her suspicions, unable to shake the thoughts of his betrayal, the wife retreats into self-absorbing anxiety. In the solitude of her absence, he creates the reality of her self-fulfilling.
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