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"Paula, take the kids up stairs. Watch something in your room. Your father and I need some time," she instructed our eldest, who was watching slack jawed.Paula gathered up the others, with some complaining from Jamie who was in the middle of playing Lego Starwars on the Xbox.I could hear Deanna outside the bathroom. I had started to get myself under control and was breathing heavily, just looking at myself in the mirror. How did it get to be this bad? My wife was intent on betraying me and our family in the worst possible way, and what's more, she was getting off on the prospect of being caught. What do you do in that situation? How are you supposed to feel? How are you supposed to react?Some people would just react out of anger and push back. And on occasion, I felt like that. That there needed to be beatings and pain, so others would know the pain I felt. Other times I just wanted to retreat – hole up somewhere by myself and retreat from humanity entirely. Obviously it didn't need. Logan vill be back, I am sure.”“What if he isn’t, Kurt? Have you given that possibility any consideration?”“He’ll be back. I have to believe that or I fear I vill go crazy,” I admit.“He makes a habit of disappearing for his own reasons, you know. It’s nothing you’ve done, or failed to do. That’s just the way he is.” She presses the palm of her hand briefly against my cheek. “If it’s any consolation, I’ve always thought that the one who holds Logan the loosest is the one who will hold him the longest. So far, you seem to be that one.”“I hope you are right, meine Freundin. Every night, I fall asleep hoping to hear his motorcycle coming down the drive. And every night I am disappointed.” I have said too much now. I do not wish her to think I am so pitiful. I will change the subject. “Sometimes I envy your ability to fly, and to deal with lightning safely. How I vould love to vatch such a storm from just below the clouds, vith lightning all around me! It must be.
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