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The other day I came home early and a guy was jogging, naked. I asked him, ‘Why?’ He said, ‘Because you came home early.’My wife’s such a bad cook, the dog begs for Alka-Seltzer.I know I’m not sexy. When I put my underwear on I can hear the Fruit-of-the-Loom guys giggling.My wife is such a bad cook. In my house we pray after the meal.My wife likes to talk to me during sex; last night she called me from a hotel.It’s been a rough day. I got up this morning and put a shirt on and a button fell off. I picked up my briefcase and the handle came off. I’m afraid to go to the bathroom.I was such an ugly kid! When I played in the sandbox, the cat kept covering me up.I could tell my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and radio.I was such an ugly baby that my mother never breast fed me. She told me that she only liked me as a friend.I was so ugly my father carried around a picture of the kid that came with his wallet.When I was born, the doctor came into the waiting room and said to. The legion usually follows and then finally the fire trucks, my favorite. I watched the boys pass noticing that all of them where whispering to each other and staring at me. That damn Tom musta been talkin'. I tried to look mad but the sight of him hanging off the side of the truck with no shirt on and a fire jacket loosely draped on his shoulders made me weak. I turned and ambled back to the shore lost in my thoughts. The thong, not normal attire for me, had me completely aroused feeling very exposed. I could swear the breeze coming through my dress was cooler on my pussy because of the... dampness... maybe? Mmmmm. I came out of it to just catch the last words of Shirley saying something about the Band. I mumbled uh huh and started to cut up the cake I looked up to watch him striding across the grass. God he was gorgeous in his tan pants and white shirt. He came up and greeted everyone flashing a flirtatious smile at every single girl as usual but I didn't care, tonight he was.
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