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“I know, I know, I shouldn’t shout. But if the lot of ya would do your job without me telling you to, I fucking wouldn’t!” Alfred quickly swept a cloth over one of the tables in the corner. “Just.. get going, alright?” He felt stressed out and slightly overwhelmed. Tonight a whole host of people would be arriving at his inn. Alfred had gotten the letters announcing their arrivals weeks ago, all pretty curly letters, written in some expensive ink on pretty snow-white parchment. The moment he held them in his hands he knew they aught to be royal letters and sure enough, when he opened them, they were. Not only was the Eastern Queen Petunia coming to bless his humble home. Her brother and arch rival mind you, King Edmund of the West was coming as well. They’d been fighting a bloody war for years now, all for who was the rightful heir to all the lands. Fucking stupid, Alfred thought. He’d been a pirate most his life and when he unexpectedly found himself living at the age of forty he. We all know who the real Daddy was, don’t we? While I loathed Troy, at least he gave a fucking Jew like you some cuckold’s horns, something well-deserved in my book,” my aunt exposed her own anti-Semitic views in her frosty greeting.“Fuck you, too, Wendy. You have quite a few groups that you hate: men, Jews, married men, unmarried men, gays, lesbians, bisexuals, etc. Not everyone’s a committed celibate like yourself, you know. You’d make an excellent nun, except that you also hate Catholics and the Pope. What do you seem to love is the fine Texas chili, I have to say, but that’s gonna cost ya. There’s no such thing as a free lunch, after all, is there?” Uncle Manfred chuckled now, even as Aunt Wendy grew increasingly dizzy, just moments after her own sister spaced out.“What did you put in this ... chili?” Wendy slurred her speech now, even as she heard Kelly giggle uncontrollably.“Just a little love,” I smirked as I entered the room now.“Simon?” Mom recognized me in spite of her.
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