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I could tell by the lip imprint it was Alice, and got extremely excited thinking about where those lips had been. Of course I tried calling that night and many times daily over the Xmas holidays, but it just rang - no answer. Finally, the day before New Year's Eve, she picked up. She explained that she needed the time to break up with her guy, Frank, and to get him moved out of her house. "Hope you didn't make plans," she said, "because I've made reservations for us at the Maxwell House. Not the best hotel in town, but still very nice and not much chance anyone we know will see us there." I can't tell you how happy this made me - the Millenium New Year in a fine hotel with a beautiful woman I'd been dreaming about. She wanted to meet me there, so I packed an overnite bag, slowing down only long enough to jack off thinking about her. That day I splurged on a new sport jacket, tie, slacks, and even new shoes. She was a classy lady and I wanted to look my best. I was over. I let them use me. I promised myself I would never say, "I love you" to anyone, because I didn't want to be owned. I didn't want them to feel the guilt I felt every morning after I had sex with someone I didn't love, or wasn't sure of. A couple weekends ago I gave you oral sex. I know it wasn't for long, and I know I didn't do it right, but there is no denying I had your penis in my mouth. I expected to feel used and awful in the morning. It was the first time I had done that. It was something I said I would NEVER do. In the morning I was glad and proud of myself, because I made you happy and I experienced an exciting rush from making you happy. I trusted you; I wanted to say, "I love you". My defense was, to deny it all, protect my heart, and make sure I didn't say those 3 words, to protect myself. After talking to you the other day I thought I pushed you away, and I was glad. A day later I ached for you, hating myself for what I said. The heart you kissed?... it soared when I saw.
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