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Then I feel the bedclothes slide off me. My eyes still closed, my body tingles not knowing what’s going to happen next. I hear my Dad’s voice on the other side of me. I’m shocked, I didn’t realise he’d got out of bed. “Open your legs”. As instructed I spread my legs wide. “Good girl, smile for Daddy” the voice now at the base of the bed. “Now stoke that wonderful baby belly” I smile as I run my hands over my belly, almost beaming, loving how my body is developing. “Now lower baby, feel that beautiful bush” I stop, unsure. “Go on baby, it’s natural, lots of girls feel themselves” I hear my Dad’s encouraging voice. Tentatively a hand goes down, my fingers starting to touch my mound feeling my pubic hair. “Lovely baby, what’s that feel like?” he asks me. “A bit fuzzy, strange” I almost whisper back. My eyes still closed, I have no idea all this time my Dad has been taking pictures. Clicking away at my naked body, zooming in when I spread my legs. Videoing me caressing my baby belly,. That is grossly unfair.For last few years, from fifty-five to sixty, I had ached to amend my life and in some way correct those errors of omission, more than commission, I so willingly committed for so many years. For all my blather about being liberated, I had been at heart a prude. Sex was good for me only if was 'nasty.' Power was the game, not love or even real pleasure, so I did a lot of damage to myself as well as others oh how and it hurt to remember it!What happened to me shortly after my sixty-first birthday, with a very young woman, brought me face to face with my own failings and fears.After several bad marriages, I was finally married for over thirty years to the same woman and when she died, I was left alone, no longer young or eligible. Society, economics, and my own earlier lack of sense, obliged me to live with my relatives. I wasn't happy about it and I don't think they were either. We got along but I was not given to aging gracefully. Every time I wanted to go or to.
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