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”Glorious Light Church is the mega church that your mom has been trying and mostly failing to drag you to for the last two years. She is enamored with the handsome Pastor Luke. You think he’s about as fake as a three dollar bill, but he does have a super hot wife with a huge rack. Maybe she will be around.“Maybe,” you say, almost to yourself.“Maybe?!” Your mother snaps. “Mister, you had better—““No, I just mean that I have a job offer from Tony,” you say, sort of telling the truth. Your friend, Aiden, said his older brother Tony is always looking for somebody to help with his lawn care business. You know how to mow a lawn and run a weed whacker. Tony is a meathead, but he has always been pretty nice to you.“Well, I don’t know who that is,” says your mother, picking up loose clothes from your floor and tossing them into your laundry basket. “All I care is that you have money for community college. If you’re going to be staying here rent free while your sister is paying her own way to. Wait. Everyone else seems surprised too.After the noise in the room quieted down, the girl’s mother said, “Darren, it is highly irregular for a male outside of the family to have intimate discussions of this nature with a girl or woman not betrothed to you. I know such is also a taboo subject among other males, even those curious about how they measure up to their siblings and friends.”“I’ve never been in the presence of one who could have a penis seventeen centimeters in length. If Darren is willing, please request that he allow us all to see such a marvel of nature,” the grandmother said to the mother in some other language only the mother seemed to understand.In that same language, I replied, “I would like to add, privately between the three of us, that I have visited many nudist resorts. My penis only gained this length recently. I would offer to undress fully, but I know very well what will happen if I do so. I cannot bring that shame and dishonor to your family. Now I do not.
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