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" It's not a disease, heavens no! Springfield Syndrome is more of anunexplained social phenomenon. An anthropological curiousity. You see inour city, and to a lesser extent in Shelbyville, hehheh, large chunks ofthe population suddenly develop totally anomolous behavior for a periodof about one week." Oh yeah," nods Lenita. "Like that time we were all left handed. We allwent rushing in to that store The Leftorium and bought left-handed stuff;And a week later I had no use for a left-handed Garden Weasel." Or that week when we were all in the NRA and owned lots of guns!"exclaims Carla.A high, raspy and rather slurred voice warbles from the direction of thefloor, "And d'you remember the time we were all geniuses and belonged taMENSA? If I woulda known that it wasn't gonna last I woulda worked harderto finish buildin' my intershtellar space-folding singularity drive....B-U-U-U-URP!" Well, this is just the most recent example of this syndrome. I wouldn'tbe terribly worried about it. And at. She told me she went out with Steve while I was in New Jersey. She told me she fucked him. She’s fucked me three times in the last six months and fucked him on the first date? What the hell? I give her everything. I was as good to her as I know how to be and she threw me out with the other garbage. SHIT!June 3d, Dear Journal, My pastor called today to tell me I was no longer welcome. He said I wasn’t a good influence. He wasn’t even man enough to tell me to my face. What did I do? I don’t drink or run around. I worked and spent time with Deirdra and the kids. Can my life get any worse? I’ll see Brian tomorrow. Maybe, he’ll know what to do.“There he is.”“Hey, Brian. What are you doing?”The fat man pulled a metal rod out of a burn barrel. “Burning industrial glue.” He nodded to the row of sealed barrels behind him. “My dad went to an auction and bought a lot. These were part of it. It would cost a fortune to take them to a disposal site. So we’re burning it a little at a time.”“It’s a.
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