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His face grew serious. His massive bulge even receded a bit. “Yeah, um, I don’t know what to say,” he began. “You see, I’ve never really had a serious girlfriend, I don’t know what you expect, but I, ah, I don’t know how to do anything.”He paused and then just started babbling like the day before. “I don’t know how to, um, make love. I don’t know anything. I’ve watched porn, I’ve read about it, but I’m stupid. It’s just like Mary said! I don’t know how to please a woman.”His thoughts trailed off and he began a new line of thought. “If mom finds out, or if I upset you, I don’t know what will happen.”I looked at him with compassion. “Everyone needs to learn somehow. I was lucky. My parents were very open about sexuality, too open. All you need to do is to relax a bit and learn as you go. Besides,” I smiled. “I would love to show you the ropes.”I took his hand and led him towards the house. “Let’s see if you fixed the A/C.”“Umm, aunt K?” he asked shyly.“Yes, sweetie.”“You didn’t mean. "2. My mother taught me RELIGION."You better pray that will come out of the carpet."3. My father taught me about TIME TRAVEL."If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!"4. My father taught me LOGIC."Because I said so, that's why."5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC."If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the store with me."6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT."Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."7. My father taught me IRONY."Keep crying, and I'll give you something to cry about."8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS."Shut your mouth and eat your supper."9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM."Just you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!"10. My mother taught me about STAMINA."You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone."11. My mother taught me about WEATHER."This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it."12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY."If I.
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