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The dishwater was cold and not a word had beenuttered the entire time. But then there was no need for words.That's what sex is for me now. I can remember it being the other way,being the one who penetrated, who possessed, but now that just doesn'tseem real. It's like I'm remembering something I read or something Iheard about that somebody I used to know did... but not something I wouldever have done or ever do. Sex for me is being penetrated by you, beingtaken by you. If I start getting turned on, or something makes me thinkof sex, then that's what I imagine. And if something makes me imagine youdoing that then I get turned on. We've done it that way so long and sooften, and no other way, that even trying to imagine myself in adifferent role just doesn't seem real, or even possible. That's what sexis for me now and I can't imagine it ever being any different.The whole time I have been remembering that night I have continued movingand touching myself and now I open my eyes, looking. On the other hand, given my lack of knowledge and experience of all things carnal, I’m pretty loyal to the guy I’m with. I don’t think of affairs, two-timing or dumping his ass. Partially because I don’t like causing anyone pain but mostly, lets face it, who wants a fat and ugly woman at their side? So you can imagine my surprise when it happened. It was at my friend’s house. He’d invited us over for a few drinks so we went. The party had dwindled down to just four of us and because we were a bit drunk, my friend had made up the guest beds for us to use. I’d already staggered off to my appointed room and was lying on the bed, staring at the ceiling and deciding that wine possibly wasn’t as horrible as I thought. Given that between three of us we’d had four bottles and under usual circumstances, I wouldn’t have even touched a glass. It was a pretty logical thought on my part, especially when you consider my head was nicely fuzzed and my face wore a wonky, drink-induced grin. My friend.
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