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-Phyllis DillerOld age is when the liver spots show through your gloves.-Phyllis DillerMy photographs don't do me justice -they just look like me.-Phyllis DillerI admit, I have a tremendous sex drive. My boyfriend lives forty miles away.-Phyllis DillerTranquillizers work only if you follow the advice on the bottle - keep away from children.-Phyllis DillerI asked the waiter, 'Is this milk fresh?' He said, 'Lady, three hours ago it was grass.'-Phyllis DillerThe reason the golf pro tells you to keep your head down is so you can't see him laughing.-Phyllis DillerYou know you're old if they have discontinued your blood type.-Phyllis DillerBest senior pick up line:A very elderly gentleman, walks into an upscale cocktail lounge.He was in his mid nineties.He was very well dressed, hair well groomed, great looking suit, flower in his lapel and smelling slightly of a good after shave.He presented a very well looked after image,Seated at the bar was an elderly really classy looking lady, (mid. I decided that, for now, it did. I told her that until I felt secure in our relationship, I didn't want her to go anywhere without me. So, I had to walk around with her while she locked up, got her purse, and selected a jacket.After that we walked across the street to my car, but first we had to close up my house, too, because I'd left it wide open earlier. I mean, most of the doors were closed, but the garage door was still open. This time, Shauna had to walk around with me as I closed doors and locked up.When I locked the front door on our way out, I opened the passenger door for Shauna, and closed it for her once she was in. I thought I might as well treat it like a regular date, with a guaranteed payoff at the end. Shauna wasn't acting like she could say goodnight and close the door on my face.The drive was pretty quiet; just small talk about if she'd ever been to Louie's before (no), and then if I'd ever been (well, no, I haven't, either, but it's just another steak house, isn't.
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