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” I said.I hung up the phone. I’m going to be a father I thought to myself.Maria from The Bronx was my girlfriend. I met her when I was 17. The day before I turned myself in, I went over her house. I didn’t tell her about the murder I was involved in. We had passionate sex, while a porno played quietly on the TV behind us.I threw her on the bed and climbed on top of her as she unfastened my jeans. We tongue kissed as her warm hands grabbed at my fully erected penis. My penis wasn’t the size of the guys I’ve seen in tons of porno movies, but it got the job done.Maria was only 5’2, 115, she had the body of an 8th grader. This kind of turned me on; I missed my old school days. Seems like I grew up too fast, sometimes I dreamed about the girls I knew back in middle school. Occasionally I would masturbate to the images in my head. Middle School, 8th grade, those were the days. A normal guy like me could have any girl he wanted, if he had the courage, I didn’t have courage, at least not. Something permanent.But, just as Coach Betsy had advised from the start, I was not rushing anything. I wasn't pushing for anything, asking for anything, pressing or pressuring. I was eager, but not impatient. Far from it. I felt in control. If Shirley let me know she wanted me to escalate matters, I felt as if I could rise to the occasion -- no pun intended.If Shirley needed more time; if Shirley's current source of personal stress -- starting a college career at age 32 -- required her undivided attention, I was prepared to be patient.Very patient. For as long as was required.I had already gone home a few times, after our evenings together, with erections that had to be dealt with the same way I'd dealt with Shirley Kiner-induced erections 17 years earlier. That's OK. There was more where that came from.Self-abuse aside, I was kind of proud of myself -- how adult I was being about all this. What made it easier, much easier, was that however deprived my libido might be, I stayed a.
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