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The bartender was having little success handling him. None of the patrons offered to help because he had injured several men during prior bouts of inebriation. I didn’t know that when I got up to help. I don’t relish the spotlight, but when the guy started manhandling his date, I was unable to control my impulses. He was unimpressed when I tried to establish rapport by telling him I knew he didn’t want to hurt her. His unusually well-reasoned response was, ‘Well now I can hurt you instead.’ He had nine inches and ninety pounds on me. There were gasps when he threw his first, and only, punch at me. I did what any respectable black belt judoka would do. I ducked under the punch grabbing his right sleeve with my left hand and his shirt with my right, turned my back to him, pressed my hip against him, bent at the waist enhancing his forward motion and shot my right leg back against the inside of his left thigh launching him into the air, a very flamboyant uchi mata. His body peaked at. Each was carrying a bottle of liquid.“You must be carefull my son,” said the priest, “This is an extremely precious liquid.”“Oh! Yer,” said Joe, “What yer got der den.”“Well my son, this is a bottle of holy water, if I rub this on a woman’s tummy, she’ll pass a baby.”“Oh! Wow, dats nuffin,” sneered Joe, “This is a bottle of acid, an ifn I puts it on a dogs ball it’ll pass a motorbike.”An elderly couple, always arguing and trying to put each other down, were closing on their 60 anniversary. Because they argued all the time, they decided to have separate holidays.He decided to spend a couple of weeks at Surfers Paradise whilst she decided to stay at the Crown Casino in Melbourne.After a week, the wife phones him and asks how he’s getting on.“Oh! Wonderful, I was only here a day when I met this sexy 20 year old, took her out for a meal, dancing, then back to my room where we had mad passionate sex, how about you, you old bag.”“I’ve had a wonderful time too you dried up old prune, I met.
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