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It does. I’ve tried to bury it but I think that’s caused me some problems that I’m starting to deal with. I’m in love mama, for the first time ever.’ ‘Oh, Mei!’ She was happy for her. ‘Yeah, but I’m still not convinced that I’m good enough and maybe it’s because I wasn’t good enough for daddy.’ It hurt to hear this but her mother figured it was time for her to work it out. ‘Honey, everyone has problems in life and in themselves. We all have enough things we’ve done wrong and we don’t need to take responsibility for things other people have done to us. I used to think that first year or so after he left that I should have been more supporting or loving. Then I realized that his problems were his and not my fault. Maybe, with some luck, things would have been different, but your father was arrogant and thought life should be easy for him. Sometimes men are just sick inside and you can’t heal them.’ ‘But mama, I feel sick inside and Philip is healing me.’ ‘That’s wonderful, Jenny.’. I knew thattransvestites can never be 'cured' of their yearnings, only hope to keepit in control. I had to make some important judgements.First of all, I was enjoying what I was doing, but I didn't feel incontrol, I had to get that back. Not being in control meant that almostcertainly I would have further thoughts implanted in my mind which werebeyond what I was prepared to accept. I knew that this was going tohappen the next session. I found that I hated thinking all this, but Icouldn't stop.Now you may not know this, but many computer games are devised withadvice from psychologists, in my case just to try to ensure that thegamer gets the maximum enjoyment from the game. For that reason I havea real expert, a man who had become a good friend, Ian, on speed dial.It was rather embarrassing to describe to him what had happened, but Igot over that because of the potential importance of the coming session."If you're going back for another repeat session," he told me, "she hasalmost.
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