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She’d grown up with a name that she hated, Samantha Jacqueline. She’d often chided her Mom about where they came up with that name. Her Mom only ever smiled her soft enigmatic smile and said her usual: ‘Oh I like that name.’ Jackie surely didn’t like it. She hadn’t wanted to grow up known as ‘Sam’, which was inevitable. But there it was, until she got into college and shed the ‘Sam’ and the image that went with it, and fashioned herself as ‘Jackie’. And, of course there was the image. She’d been sort of heavy in high school. She wasn’t really fat but she was ‘she’s only material to be a friend’ heavy. She lived with that, sobbed about it personally and privately until a few things happened. Firstly, in college she discovered the track team and a love of running. She became a work out devote. She also grew an astounding two inches. The end result of her efforts and mother nature’s good graces was that Jackie Lawrence was a willowy 5’10’ with raven black hair. She liked the ‘willowy’. “Hi,” the short greeting brought me back from my self-absorbed musings. “How are you, Jill?” Back from L.A. to sort some stuff out and to enable this get together, he looked good, maybe a few pounds lost and less stressed than when I’d last seen him.Damn this man! Even after everything I’d done to him, his first go-to instinct was still to ask how I was. Me before him, reminding me again of what I’d thrown away by stretching too far, demanding the undemandable, wanting the impossible.“I’ve been better. You?” I asked.“Like you, mixed, I guess.” I’d have given my right arm for ‘mixed’. And maybe I was being paranoid, but the calm contentment on his face told me he was better than ‘mixed.’“Do you miss me?” I regretted it before the words were even out there. The worst possible mix of asking a deeply unfair question and showing my sorry state for Dave to see.He just looked at me, long and hard, his eyes seemingly searching my very soul as it took an eternity for him to answer.“Do I miss.
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