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"The dial on the right was marked Fore, and the one on the left was markedAft, and I swear to God that they were marked with black strips from acheap label maker. The red button in the middle was marked Initiate in asimilar fashion, and it had a small timer next to it that went up to anhour. In fact, the timer looked exactly like the dial of the Minute Minderthat my mother kept in her kitchen, right down to the Rocket Ship pointer."What do you mean?" asked Warsaw Kelly. "You don't know?" Not for sure, no." How can you not know if you invented something?" I don't remember." I pulled the key out of my shirt and inserted it intothe slot. It was a perfect fit, and as I gave it a turn there was a softhum all around us."Why do you look like me?" asked Kelly from Warsaw."I don't know. Why do you look like me?" I don't. I've always looked like this." Really? Must have been a rough labor for your mother."She narrowed her eyes at me while I began making some simple calculationsin my head. I. I bought some fridge magnets. So far, I have 10 fridges.A jellyfish walks into a hardware store and buys ten drills.Supermarket: a place where you can spend a half-hour looking for instant coffee.How can you spot people who can’t count to twenty? They’re in front of you in the supermarket express lane.I bought some Haagen-Dazs ice cream, and as the cashier rang it up, I asked: “How do you pronounce that.” She said slowly: “Five dollars and 29 cents.”✧ ✧ ✧left my last girlfriend because she wouldn’t stop counting. I wonder what she’s up to now.Drugs don’t kill people – people who run out of drugs kill people.I tried to join the Kleptomaniacs Anonymous meeting – but all the seats were taken.I wonder what ‘DON’T TOUCH’ is in Braille.I asked the doctor to give me something for persistent wind. He gave me a kite.My pencil isn’t prone to making Freudian Slips, but my penis.What Iran needs now is a more modern, moderate leader – a Mullah Lite.Is it normal ... For one of my testicles to be.
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