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I of course told her not to blame herself. She suggested we turn in and have an early night. I went back to my room but heard the raised voice of Thomas and the calmer voices of Felicity and Bradley. I took my, now streaked make up off, and went to bed and cried myself to sleep. I just wished I had been all female and felt nothing but disgust for what was dangling between my legs. I wished I had a vagina and had a disturbing dream where my penis and balls had been cut off leaving a malformed ugly stump! I woke up in a hot sweat and reached down to be reassured by the touch of my penis still intact. I stroked my body and touched my ample breasts. Yes everything was still there! I slipped on my ivory silk dressing gown and slippers and padded downstairs to the kitchen. Bradley was there alone. I felt awkward. “Hey Louise,” he said smiling kindly. “ I am sorry about my Brothers behaviour, but he was a bit surprised I think. He left early for the airport, I couldn’t calm him down.” “No. “It’s true,” she argued against his denial. “But you don’t have to be afraid. It’s okay to be gay.”“You did this to me,” he accused. “You planned it all along. My cage… the pornography…”“Oh, sweetie,” Veronica rose from the bed and pulled her robe on, “All I’ve done is try to help you.”“Stay away from me,” Colin warned as she approached.“Don’t be afraid.” Veronica’s expression was disarming, “I love you.”Colin blinked with surprise. “Wh-what?” Veronica had never said those words to him before.“Honey, I love you. I know we had a rocky start to our relationship, but I’ve grown to care for you so much over these past weeks. I’m your mother now, I love you, and I only want you to be happy. I want you to be gay and happy.”Colin was so horribly confused, “I don’t want to be gay. You said it yourself; you tell me all the time - I’m not a real man if I’m gay.”“You’re not a real man,” Veronica confirmed, though her tone wasn’t cruel. “You’re a sissy with a small penis. You want to suck on.
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