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Just like several months ago, I had to make a decision and once more, there were two options. Option one, was to keep the child and start a real family with Ilse. It would bring many responsibilities and I wasn’t sure if I was ready for that. Option two, would be the safest route, abort the fetus, and continue our relationship as before. We could always make a baby later, when we knew I was ready.So many emotions washed over me, doubt, wonder, love, sadness. I wasn’t sure what to make of it all. If I decided to keep the child my life would change forever. There was no turning back after that. If Ilse and I had a child together, I would have to marry her too. I’d be changing diapers, have restless nights with a crying baby waking me up, and I’d be running from left to right to take care of things for Ilse.Additionally, my family would also be very upset with me, for impregnating a woman who was on welfare, who already had two kids, and who didn’t even hold a steady job. Next to that,. Mary had not moved as she watched the interplay between us. Almost from habit, my eyes skimmed the room looking for him. For Diablo. The devil dog. He was nowhere to be seen.Why did I want to fuck her? Was it because she was a woman, representing all of that precious gender, and like any man I wanted any woman hot, twisting and gasping under me? Was it because she was a woman special to me, a woman who played a large part in my life, a part I wished to expand by the most intimate of sharing? Was it Oedipus, leaping from my psyche to take that which was my father’s most treasured possession? For me, that sword had still another side since my Mother was the wife of the man I called father and the lover of the man whose seed created me.Was it power? Power to control she who controlled me for such a large part of my life? I had the power, no doubt about that. A command from me would make her do anything. She would strip naked and crawl though the snows of Vail until her breasts froze if.
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