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There were maybe a dozen pills at the bottom. How many could I take? Just one? A few? I could hear the panicked sound of my breath echoing off the tiles in the small room. My pulse was throbbing in my ears. My eyes started watering and I choked back a scream. Who was I? Why did I feel like this could actually make things better? Not trusting myself to keep up the debate, I acted on a better impulse and dumped the pills in the toilet. Flushing them away, I tossed the empty bottle in the trash and leaned over the sink. Looking at myself in the mirror, I started to weep. Some things are better left forgotten. ******* After a cathartic bout of tears while standing there over the sink, I washed my face and locked up the cabin for the night. It wasn’t even dark, but I figured time and schedules weren’t an issue for me that week. I would probably enjoy waking up at dawn and going to the lake. Had there been a coffee maker in the kitchen? There must have been, I thought. Irwin had given me. Since then their sex life had steadily deteriorated and Allan seemed to be in a constant mental funk. One of the physicians where Lois worked knew Allan and thought it might be depression, a common occurrence among by-pass patients.Lois woke James for lunch and when he sat down at the table he didn't seem to have an appetite or much to say. Even when Lois brought up their upcoming ski trip, James seemed to be miles away. Finally, Lois asked him, "Jim honey, is anything wrong?" No mother, why do you ask?" Oh you just seem real quiet this weekend and I thought something might be troubling you, that's all." Nope, nothing at all mom." Yea he thought nothing at all; it's just that you're fucking some stud in our house, that's all. "I'm headed over to see Patty but I'll be home for dinner, see you later mom," and he was gone.Lois was puzzled. James had never avoided her like he did this morning and now at lunch, something was going on with that boy and she needed to find out what it was..
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