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I don't disfigure myself, or self harm or anything. I just...enjoy pain and humiliation.Me: Anyways, we should get back to what we were discussing. What made me the person sitting before you.Interviewer: Yes, please.Me: Anyways, so, I found myself sort of enjoying the pain. I guess I was a bit of a wild child. Oh, I loved my parents. But, they didn't seem to understand. They kept giving me what I wanted when I didn't do what they wanted me to. You know, same thoughts as most people have.Interviewer: So, to you, they rewarded you, with a spanking, a smack, something like that, for the wrong behavior.I nodded.Me: Exactly. It was like you getting a candy. My parents were at their wits end. Eventually, as I got older, I started understanding how much I was hurting them, upsetting them. I guess I sort of turned inward. I stopped acting up to get rewarded, and instead started just...rewarding myself.Interviewer: How so?Me: Well, when I went to bed, I would take my belt, spank myself, over. After all it isn't really my house. The insidewas very neat and tidy. It was decorated with some paintings and leatherfurniture. It was obviously the best of the rooms so that company wouldn'tthink badly about them if they looked in through the door. I looked aroundand wondered what am I doing? These people are not my family; they are mypatient's. They are only taking me in because I have nowhere to go. Ican't do that to them. I need to go somewhere that nobody knows and make anew life. I have the smarts and I reckon I can find a way to make it work.Besides these people don't love me, they just want to make sure I don't goback and let Ashley die. I started running, and I didn't stop until I gota few blocks away to a local park. The entire run I have been crying myeyes out. "Why meee. I just wanted to help." I curled up onto the benchand let the tears flow.Meanwhile James was sitting on the couch watching TV eagerly awaiting his family'sreturn. His mom had told them that the doctors.
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