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, just because I like the way they smell.3. The sofa is not a ‘face towel’.4. The garbage collector is not stealing our stuff.5. I will not play tug-of-war with Dad’sunderwear when he’s on the toilet.6. Sticking my nose into someone’scrotch is an unacceptable way of saying ‘hello’.7. I don’t need to suddenly standstraight up when I’m under the coffee table.8. I must shake the rainwater out of my fur beforeentering the house - not after.9. I will not come in from outside,and immediately drag my butt across the carpet.10. I will not sit in the middle of the livingroom, and lick my crotch11. The cat is not a ‘squeaky toy’,so when I play with him and he makes that noise,it’s usually not a good thing.P.S. Dear God:When I get to Heaven,may I have my testicles back?Some Random Thoughts... Someone Just Honked to get me out of my parking spot faster so now I have to sit here until both of us are dead.So I was at the bar last night and the Waitress Screamed... “Anyone know CPR?”I said, “Hell I. He'd fucked on airplanes, in elevators, in the bedding department of Macy's, on a train, in a car, in a hot-air balloon, in his cubby at work, at the dentist's office. He even claimed to have fucked on the observation platform of the Empire State Building that last time he'd been to New York. I believed his tales about as much as I believed in Santa Claus."Damn, she's a hottie," he said, shaking his head. He turned to me. "I ever tell you about the time I fucked this cunt and her daughter at the same time?"While he droned on about his imaginary conquest, the flight attendant wrapped up her lecture and took her seat. The plane taxied out to the runway and shortly we were roaring into the sky, leaving Seattle behind us. I didn't even look out the window at the view. That would have involved putting my head closer to Mark and his BO than was prudent.The second the seat belt lights dinged off, I unbuckled myself and stood up. "Listen Mark," I said, not bothering to sound sincere. "I'm.
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