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“I don’t think you’d be comfortable talking to her, but she can recommend someone who specializes in working with teen sexual problems.”Sheila’s mom insisted on speaking with my parents. Dad and mom both worked but I had two brothers and a sister so finances were tight. Mrs. Madison got one of her colleagues to do the therapy pro-bono. After several sessions it became apparent that I had bottled up all of my emotions– good or bad– and had to learn how to release them. We did trust-building, safe-zone creation, safe body touching, and all sorts of other approaches that are supposed to help someone open up, but nothing worked. I even– on doctor’s orders– binge watched a whole weekend full of sad, sappy movies hoping that something would get me to cry.“If only you could break through and cry,” he told me, “I think you would make great progress.”Sheila joined me for that chick-flick marathon. We had our own private sleep over in the apartment above her parent’s garage. I think Sheila. I blamed you, thinking you had tricked her and stolen something that was mine. Then I thought that, with Violet after you, maybe I could have caught Brant’s eye. Then he wound up dead by your hands, again I blamed you for stealing that, as well. I always had thought that Violet had been a fool for ignoring Brant’s advances. Believing some fairytale nonsense, thinking you would one day return. I have never seen such devotion towards someone in my entire life, and I yearned for someone to feel that way for me.“You did not have to send Violet to apologize, you could have very easily made sure we never talked to each other again. I knew I had ruined things when I saw how angry she had gotten that night. I had never seen that side of her, and it terrified me. Each day, I worried I would arrive at the clinic to find I no longer had work there, and that I would not be able to apprentice with Ilane anymore. I cried myself to sleep most nights, dreading the loss that was to come. Instead, you.
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