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But somehow the Danny Disaster had changed me, I just didn’t trust as easily, and I didn’t let the first dates become second dates. And I didn’t love. I’m not sure if you can understand what it feels like not to be able to live and love fully, when you’ve been living and loving to your heart’s content all your life. A rather large part of you is suddenly gone. At work and with my friends I was still happy, but there were times when I was alone when everything seemed less shiny, less colorful somehow. It’s as close to a depression I had ever come in my life. I shook it off kind of quickly, and the only lasting result of my temporary blues was that I lost some weight, which meant that I could buy some new clothes, two sizes smaller than before. And honestly – retail therapy really does work! My new, thinner, slightly more cynical, but still infinitely romantic self continued going to work and continued meeting my closest friends every Thursday. My friends could see that I struggled. She seemed to be delighted at that simple complement and hugged me before she left. Between English and sign language she asked me if I would like some more tomorrow. They were good and I could always use a little break, plus I sensed that she really needed it, so I nodded my head and said “yes”.Sure enough, the next afternoon about the same time there she was with some different cookies she had baked. I remembered the type of soda she had picked and got it for her and we visited.This happened every day and she seemed to really like visiting with me. I learned that she had been married 20 years and was born in this country but in a part of it where Spanish was spoken far more than English. When I asked how I could thank her, she said that speaking English with her and helping her with it was the best thing I could do.I noticed that she only came to me on weekdays when her husband was working. She asked me to not speak to her if he was present because he was very jealous. I sensed.
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