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We read On the Road and The Prophet. When Josh and I started going out I felt that I had been delivered from my isolation, my uncoolness, and my family. It did not occur to me that I got the ideas for my outfits from photographs of my mother taken at a time when she looked happy to be with my father. Josh and I were unstoppable in our pursuit of 1960s-inflected accessories and experiences, but we were timid about sex. On the occasions when we found ourselves alone in bedrooms or on couches, our bravado dissipated and we became children again, unsure of what was expected of us. We did not have a lot of lust to guide us. We found each other attractive, but we were so young neither of us had ever experienced clear erotic desire. The thing I badly wanted wasnt sex, but to be rid of my virginity, the last vestige of a childhood spent trusting and respecting adults, seeking their approval. Josh, I knew, was as confused about what this entailed as I was. I never brought it up. It was all we. " I say. While he got the water, he began to ask, "So whats been happening for the last few days? Do you still like it here?" ?"The school so far is really cool." I say. "Everything seems pretty nice, but already I'm having some issues with some people." I say. "Uh oh, is it the race thing?" he asked. "No, no its nothing like that. People see past that which is a good thing. It's just..... The relationship thing." I say, not really knowing how to say it. "Ohhh, you mean your trying to get with someone?" he said giving me a bottle water. "Ummm....yes and no." I say. Darius looked at me strangely and said, "I'm not really following you. Explain." I went on to tell him about Jamal, but not mentioning his name, and how he really digs me, then talking about Quinn and how much I hated him at first but now I want him. I left out all the sex hoping he would get it. He stood there for minute trying to process everything I had said. ?"Did you sleep with any of them?" I was taken back by the.
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