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I’m alone, more alone than I’ve ever been in my life. They say love is like a drug, like the best feeling in the world times four. I think it must be more like you’re just about to commit suicide, and you jump off the cliff, ready to die…then you grow wings. That must be it. It has to save you from everything you’ve ever been afraid of and everything that could ever hurt you. I’m scared to death of something that powerful taking over my life, but I want it more than I can express. I want the poetry of it, more than anything else. It’s romantic and soul-devouring stuff. Or at least, it must be…it has to be. It’s all I believe in anymore. Aside from the life-changing and heart-crushing power of it, though, I want the small things that go along with giving your soul to another person. I want to go to sleep with somebody beside me who won’t be gone in the morning. I want to share cigarettes and coffee, watch old movies and hold hands in parks. I want somebody to touch my cheek and. ” I smiled to make sure she knew I meant it and then I had to wait while she wrestled with herself, even though there wasn’t a realistic alternative.Eventually she sort of smiled, and said, “Thank you. I hope we are not too big a problem. I can try to keep the girls quiet so you can sleep, I promise.”“Somehow I suspect that your girls are as tired as you are. They’ll sleep just fine and Charger will love having the company.”After the children were fed, changed and in a pretty good mood, I suggested that Ann Marie make up a list things she needed for herself and the babies. While she got them cleaned up and put down for the night, I ran out to a local big box store and bought everything on her list, along with a bunch of things I thought she might need. While I was there, I hit the grocery store side and stocked up on non-perishables, powdered milk, all kinds of easy to store and eat foods and a number of staples we might need if we were to have to hunker down for any amount of.
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