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And that’s an odd thing.Quite recently I watched a documentary by a comic called Rhod Gilbert – you’ll find it on BBC iplayer – about shy people. What he was describing fitted me like a good suit, but I would never have called it shyness. Lack of self confidence is more like it in my opinion. Although Rhod can stand on stage in front of hundreds of people and entertain them, he has difficulty in, say, going into a cafe and drinking a cup of coffee all by himself. With someone yes, and if people approach him, he can talk to them, but approach a stranger, no. Well sometimes you just have to screw everything tight and go talk to someone, but it ain’t easy.So taking the easy way out and hoping you’re right is a fair option.I think she must have worked like a umm ... non-European because she had everything in the caravan cleaned and set up for herself and Katie by the end of the next day and reported for work the day after, and all of this with a two year old in tow. To my great relief. And grayer. And cold, sad. I beckon you to me and you climb onto my lap. My arms encircle you as you curl up. I feel larger than I am. Stronger. I hold you, stroking you hair and back through your sweatshirt. You are shivering. You may be crying. There is wetness seeping though my shirt. I hold you and rock a little bit until the shaking stops. I will my warmth into you, breathing slowly, holding and stroking. In time – how much doesn’t really matter – you sigh. I feel an ember of warmth reflected back to me and see a hint of color where your arms and legs peek from your clothing.You pull back from me a bit, pushing yourself up on my chest to look at me eye to eye. I see sorrow, pain, life, beauty, so many things. I know I can’t give everything you need. Perhaps nothing of lasting value, but it doesn’t matter. The light around us is just a little warmer for now, and that’s enough now.There is something else in your eyes. Need. Desire. Hunger. You tilt your head back as I lean toward.
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