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The visage before me changed in the way dreamscapes often do. It isn't like a fade out or even a fade to black, nor is it a wobble effect. It just changes but you seem to still understand what is happening.With the telephone still to my ear and a look of terror upon my face a I hear a different voice speaking to me, it's my step-father. His voice is trembling and his usually sedate stutter seemed out of control. He was nearly unable to force a single word from his throat.My mother was dead.It was during this nightmarish tableau in my subconscious that I fought to awaken; fought against sheets and terror and an invisible enemy that I couldn't defeat.As I lay in my bed, terrified simply because my intuition told me to be, the telephone beside my bed rang. Normally I am not a skittish person but the shrill sound was ominous. It was my mother. I started shaking inside when I heard her hoarse voice. "It's cancer."The words didn't make sense, for some reason I couldn't comprehend what she. A strange insult, now that I thought about it. The weird, oddly misogynist and self-defeating idea that somehow it was insulting to give pleasure, not to receive it, no matter the source.I was guilty of the same like-minded thinking. I couldn't bring myself to actually suck a cock, as though the act in and of itself would brand me as a cocksucking faggot for the rest of my life. Holding another man in my hand - that was just harmless curiosity, a casual trifle, nothing really that would make me gay or queer.But at the thought of fulfilling his desire, my prick bulged against my jeans. I wanted to pry out my cock and join him on the bench, but there was something about actually showing him my package. Compared to his behemoth, I wondered what he would make of my miniscule, barely noticeable baby-dick.I'd never really used such demeaning words about my own penis. I mean, yes I've always wished for more, I just never found myself throwing around such a horrible, humiliating inner.
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