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* Went to the pub with my girlfriend last night. Locals were shouting "pedophile!" and other names at me, just because my girlfriend is 24 and I'm 50. It completely spoiled our 10th anniversary.* My son was thrown out of school today for letting a girl in his class give him a hand-job. I said "Son, that's 3 schools this year! You'd better stop before you're banned from teaching altogether."* The cost of living has now gotten so bad that my wife is having sex with me because she can't afford batteries.* A man calls 911 and says "I think my wife is dead". The operator says, "How do you know?" The man says "The sex is about the same, but the ironing is piling up!"* I was explaining to my wife last night that when you die you get reincarnated but must come back as a different creature. She said she would like to come back as a cow. I said, "You obviously haven't been listening."* My wife has been missing a week now. The police said to prepare for the worst. So, I had to go down to. Above the fireplace hung a large portrait of the Duke. Lifesized, or nearly so, it captured the image of him standing proudly, sword in hand like some conquering hero. A rather sharp contrast to the political mastermind he was best known as. How arrogant, she thought, to display a picture of himself so prominently in his own home. The door opened, and a serving girl walked in. A new girl, dressed in a brief black dress. Cut low like the doorkeeper’s was, her bodice was tightly cinched, but not nearly so constricting as the other woman’s had been. Over it she wore a thin, mostly decorative apron. Her skirts were quite short, overly fluffed with white petticoats that especially showed off her legs as she bent to pour the tea. ‘Is there anything else I can do for you, my lady?’ she asked when she had finished, still bowing slightly as she turned to address Karoline. She couldn’t help but note how the dress left the servant’s deep, heaving chest halfway exposed, nor the way the soft.
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