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And while I'm sure it's part of the reason, your face says there's more." Look, I ... I hate not knowing what's going to happen. Sometimes I sleep and I wake again and everything is fine. Sometimes I sleep and wake up ... there. I'm afraid ... I don't know. It feels like if I fall asleep, I might just disappear altogether. Maybe never come back. Maybe just die, and never be anywhere. It sounds ridiculous, and having someone share my tent isn't going to prevent any of that but ... maybe I'm just afraid of dying alone? I truly don't know. All I know is that the idea of crawling into that tent and just going to sleep in there, all alone, makes me feel like I'll just start screaming and never be able to stop. If I'm out here, at least I'll be so sleepy when I end up in there that I don't notice."Aedan examined me for a few more moments, his face sympathetic. I was mortified. It was different with Tomas - it seemed somehow okay to lean on him. I didn't want Aedan to see me as being this. Like me.”“You were pretty strong with your sister.”“My dad told me I’d found my balls. He also said he found his when they checked her into the Clinic, and regretted it wasn’t until he was forty-three.”“Your mom is the strong foundation of the family?”“Yes.”“She ran the household? And your dad was more passive or submissive?”“I told Doctor Orosco that when they had disagreements, my dad would go to his workshop until he figured out my mom was right, then they’d make up.”“Your mom is ethnic Russian? The daughter of immigrants?”“Yes. My dad’s ancestors were mostly Dutch, and many of them lived in New York when it was still a Dutch colony.”“Do they have a good relationship?”“I have no idea. I think they do, but you’d have to ask them. I mean, I never felt they had any problems, but I suspect they simply kept them from us.”“That’s normal, though now they may see you as an adult and let you into their lives a bit more.”“They have. Both of them. Especially after Liz’s situation became.
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