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If my mother knew she never shared that information with me. It has always just been my mom and me. But I haven’t really had the time or the inclination to worry about what’s going to become of me. I’m still having trouble grappling with the idea that my beautiful, vibrant, loving mother no longer exists.They said my mom never knew what hit her. The drunk who killed her ran through a red light at nearly sixty miles an hour and slammed right into her door. They tell me she died instantly. For some reason that instant keeps replaying in my mind. I wasn’t there. But I keep seeing it happen, over and over. I swear I can hear the terrible sounds. I can feel the incredible violence. Even so, I find it all but impossible to believe I’ll never see my mother again.I’m sixteen and as far as I know I have one living relative. A distant cousin of my mother’s neither of us has ever met. Well, he and his two sons. He’s a single parent, too. I talked to him on the phone a couple of days ago. He’s. I know there's nothing inherentlyshameful about becoming female, but it's too fundamental a change. Aperson's gender is their single most important defining attribute. Untilthis ordeal ends - if it ever does - the first thing anyone will noticeabout me is that I'm a girl. Nothing else will matter to them remotely asmuch.Fucking hell, here we go again. Call for the violins and pass round thepaper tissues. You have no idea how well this has turned out for you. Howwould you feel if Ruth had been fat and ugly? Or it wasn't her who pinchedthat machine but a sixty-odd year old geezer with arthritis and falsechoppers? What if you were black, and had the prospect of racial prejudiceto add to your troubles?And while we're at it, a bit more honesty wouldn't come amiss either. It'snot being female that's bothering you so much as the thought of havingjoined the opposing side. All those girls you put on a pedestal for somany years instead of treating them like ordinary human beings, then endedup.
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