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And you should, too. Bethany was right - it’s enough. It really is.”“What about Bethany?” I asked.“That’s a conundrum. She’s made some tremendous compromises to try to be with you, including accepting your relationship with Stephanie, and accepting that you will likely never be monogamous. But I don’t know that she can accept those things forever. Maybe she can. But I don’t know. You could be walking down a path that leads to complete disaster. I can’t see clearly enough to know, and neither can you.”“What are you telling me?” I asked.“Know yourself and be true to yourself. This journal is an amazing resource. Read it and figure out who you really are. Find your Atman, Steve.”“Will you keep helping me?” I asked.“Of course. I think it’s time for you to take me home. Come get me Friday, as usual.”“A command?” I asked.“Yes. I cannot submit to you now. I’m confused, Steve. I’ll admit that. Give me some time to think about it. In the meantime, practice mindfulness. Do nothing without. You wanna hit it?" Yeah." Beth and I get out of the water, "That'll work. How you feelin' Beth?" Tired. I'm fine." She dries off and wraps on a sarong that makes her look only half-naked. I can't figure why half the boat ain't hit on her yet.Maybe because they think I'm her husband.That thought drops my mood down the sewer. We go for sushi for lunch then I tell the two of them to go play and grab a lounge chair by the main pool so I could sulk on my own. I get maybe an hour to brood before 'Julie our cruise director' starts a pool party game and harasses everyone into playing. I try an act like I'm having fun so I don't ruin it for everyone else.The woman I'm partnered with was older - a good fifty - but in pretty good shape overall. In the end, in order to win, I grab her, and the ball, tell her to take a breath, and dive under the net marking the goal line. We still don't win but we get a consolation prize for most creative solution.Barb and I wind up having drinks at the Tiki bar..
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