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It took a long time to admitthat it was denial. What was it about the person in the mirror that Iwanted to deny? Her existence? Her youth and loveliness? My soul staringout of her eyes? The reality of the whole bizarre situation? The factthat I was smack-dab in the middle of something I didn't understand?Something that was really weird?Even with my temples throbbing painfully, there was the insistentrealization that I hated everything about me. I wanted to back up timeto the moment the plane entered the cloud. I wanted to feel Anna's cheeknext to my ear, to hear her tell me in her soothing tone: "Just relax."There was a knock on the lavatory door. In my sullen mood, the knock wasa reminder that if this was a dream, I couldn't wake up soon enough.Denial? Yes. You in the mirror. You don't exist. Get out of my life.When I stopped to ask a flight attendant for aspirin, my voice wassofter, huskier, and lower than either Anna's or the bicycle girl's. Itsounded odd in my ears and I'm not. The next day when I arrived at work, Mr. Gordon was waiting for me. He was in a most ugly mood, yelling at me for taking the time off on the Saturday. Quietly while I waited for him to finish, I thought of the financial gift I’d received. Finally after he’d ran out of breath and shut up, I asked him, “Are you finished?” “Yes,” he replied. “Good me too,” I said, and putting my shop key on the desk, turned and walked out. So my tenure as a restaurant manager came to an end. Fortunately thanks to Catherine, I didn’t have to worry about finding another job right away. I was glad it was over as it had been long hours, often ten hours a day and seven days a week. Although by the end I was getting a very healthy salary, thanks mostly to my linking it to the restaurant's performance. Still I was glad it was now over. At first I wasn’t too concerned about finding a job, after all Catherine did enough worrying for the two of us. I now had more time for seeing Marlene and Lillian, as well.
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