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He had no wrinkles, the only age on his face being the softer skin around the thick vein on his temple. He looked like a djinn that had been born of primordial energy standing firm ready to grant my wishes. His umber skin stretched tight across his rippling muscles. He had his career already, and once he accepted his new life he took a job as a bouncer for something to do while he explored this side of himself. He looked the part, every bit of him intimidating. His arms and chest looked like steel cords, his belly, however, stuck out a little, the one sign of age he couldn’t shake from overindulging with the slower metabolism that comes with your forties.We messaged back and forth about what we were each interested in. I hadn’t had good rough sex in a long time and was craving the punishing experience. He mentioned his cock was something special and I teased that he would have to prove it. He laid out what his fantasy was. It was something he wanted to try once, being into some. My hurt and pain turned into depression,anger, and rage. Yeah, that convinced them i was a male totally. But i wasn't.i was covering it up, and as much as i tried to make sense out of my own head,the realization didn't come until months ago. i'm much better because of it."Some how i was holding on. For the love of God, i didn't know why. Nowit was time to use the second biggest weapon in my arsenal. She mighthave known about the rest, but this part she never knew. This would bethe final test of my strength, and i knew i was close to becoming nothing more then a sobbing baby. "My gender identity has turned out to be something both humble and resilient,seeming to disappear at times, but always coming back. i may have hadsomething to do with that. Here's a part you didn't know. When i realizedwho i really was, i put myself into a kind of self-hypnosis. i told myselfwho i knew i was, and what i was to do about it. That's one time that iwish i never did. Maybe i am like i am because of.
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