I’d put my heart into this story. Toughen up, old man.“Okay. Let’s start with the story arc. I think you could begin with something more dramatic that draws the reader into the story more rapidly. It’s the third page before we have a clue that they are boarding a spaceship. Lead with it. Even a simple a sentence of thought from the main character that said, ‘I took one last look at the earth before I boarded for my journey to the stars.’ Something that immediately sets the scene. Then you can deal with the weight of his baggage, the nods to people he knew and worked with, and the scurry of preparing his room and meeting his neighbors. The way it reads at the moment, he might be arriving on campus for his second year of college. Once you got past the slightly awkward opening, though, the story arc took shape in a well-defined progression of events that made life on the spaceship reasonable and believable if the reader is capable of believing science fiction at all. Some readers. Today when he saw Janet with that heavy box, he'd grabbed the chance to be alone with her for awhile. And when they sat on the couch, he just couldn't resist kissing her. He'd expected her to get mad, slap his face, even have him suspended from school. So it was a fantastic surprise when she invited him to her bedroom instead. He could hardly believe his luck.Now here he was, the woman of his dreams, lying naked beside him and pumping his cock eagerly in her hot little fist. Tim felt like he'd died and gone to heaven. He reached out with one hand and lazily felt up her nice big tits. They were hot and silky-skinned, delicious to touch. All the while she kept pumping his cock and getting him more and more aroused.He ogled her gorgeous body. She had those fantastic tits, the nipples light pink and stiff, and she had a tiny firm waist, nice curvy hips, long shapely legs. The infatuated boy couldn't imagine a more attractive woman than his teacher. And she'd never looked this way in.
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