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"And your future husband must have those, mustn't he?" I tried not to be bitter. I really did.She nodded. "Do you have a say, or is it just your father?" I wanted clarification, or an excuse to cause me more pain. I'm not sure which."I can only say no." My heart was being stabbed with something rather large and dull. Repeatedly.At least she had some say. That made me feel a bit better, but not much."Would it help if I asked for a lavish estate?" At her continued silence I added, "I thought not."I sat up slowly and wrapped my arms around her. She kept her hands on my chest not allowing me to get too close."Megan, I'm sorry that I hurt you. Please forgive me." At that her tears fell unrestrained and she let me pull her into me. I rested her head on my shoulder and wanted to go home for the first time since I came to this stupid world.I let her cry herself out. My heart was shredded, my stomach was burning, and my head pounded from restraining my own tears. It was then that I knew,. "Simon, there's been this gaping hole in my life ever since my grandmother died. Sheldon only partly filled it, and although the experience was highly stimulating, it didn't go far enough. It was only once a week, and even then, the cult seemed to operate almost automatically, as if they had a sort of 'play book'," mother grinned at me, and I knew exactly what she meant."Can I please explain something to you? It may help you to understand me and it will help me to make clear how I feel." she continued. "Ever since I can remember, I felt a need to obey someone. First, my parents; they had huge expectations of me, particularly after my brother showed such academic promise, then later, my sister was so beautiful. And the way my parents doted on them led to arrogance where they tried to force me to obey them." Obedience became ingrained in me, and my grandmother heightened it, seeing the submissive streak in my nature and allowing me to give in to it. She made me obey her, too, but I was.
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