"And so we held each other, and we kind of swayed to a slow song. Janiesmelled nice. She felt nice. Were those breasts? Real ones? Her hairfell across her forehead, and she grinned."You'd look good in a dress," she whispered."Not me," I said. "I don't wear women's clothing." You will for me, though. Won't you?" Maybe. But I won't get anything out of it."Janie looked at me. "You want to get out of here." she asked"Of course I do," I said, hardening.We walked out. Daisy smiled as we left, as if she had been a successfulmatchmaker.We walked into the night air. I thought Janie was going to take me toher apartment, maybe to a late-night coffee shop. Instead, she took meto darkened elementary school. She sat on a swing-set and twirled.We talked for hours. About the way she grew up. About the way I grewup. About the trans women she admired (Michelle Headley, Jamie Howell),and the ones she didn't (Caitlyn). We talked about New Orleans.Finally, she walked up to me, rose on her tiptoes and. As I again made eye contact with Corbin, I quickly diverted my eyes, feeling guilty and cautious not to give away the secrets of the fantasy currently unravelling in my mind. I made the decision then that I would avoid all eye contact with him for the rest of the night – I couldn’t handle the embarrassment and shame of knowing my thoughts. The next performance did not involve Corbin. Despite my best efforts, I was finding myself bored with the other performers – I only wanted Corbin. Compensating for this lack of Corbin, I let myself slip back into my own imagination, where there was one VIP invite, sealed with a kiss, for Corbin to join me there. Ironically, “in my dreams” would be the only place I would get to be alone with someone as perfect as Corbin. The music dropped down to a calmer, quieter beat and Jimmy’s voice returned to the speakers, withdrawing me from my imagination. Apparently, I had missed the last couple of acts while taking the journey into the depths of my.
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