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“I have a little boy,” she said.“I know. His name is Chris,” I replied. “He draws pictures that you put up in your room.”“You’ve been in my room?” Her eyebrows went up.“I confess I looked through the window in the door a couple of times,” I said. “I assumed the crayon drawings on the wall weren’t made by your students.” I thought about some of the shenanigans the kids in that school had been involved in. “I could be wrong,” I added.“You’re not wrong.” She went back to her original question, but added a qualifier. “Why now?”I was getting mildly frustrated. We had been on a nodding acquaintance for two years and she’d always been pleasant. I began to think there was something wrong with me and she was debating whether to ignore that flaw or not.“If you don’t want to go out it’s okay,” I said. “I didn’t think you were in a relationship with anybody.”“I’m not.”“Well I’m not, either. Imagine that! A guy who isn’t in a relationship asking a woman out who also isn’t in a relationship.” I. Toby had to let them into the house, since the house keys were on the same key ring as the car keys. Jessica continued to grope her sons surreptitiously as they stood in the doorway. “So, Mom, just how happy does this date get?” asked Andrew, smiling.“There’s a whole spectrum of happiness.” interjected his brother, much to Jessica’s amusement. “It all depends on you how happy a date gets.”“Oh, really?” commented Andrew snarkily.Toby managed to get the door open and let them all inside. “Sure. For instance, on a scale of zero to ten, tonight you just get a One.”“A One!” cried Andrew.“Absolutely. A One gets you a hearty handshake and a kiss on the cheek.”“That’s a one? What in the world is a Zero?”“No kiss on the cheek.” Toby laughed and pushed his mother towards his brother. “Go on, Mom, give him a One.”Jessica laughed at this and shook her youngest’s hand, and then leaned forward, kissing him quickly on both cheeks. “Maybe you should get a Two.”“This is pretty bogus!” complained.
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