Before Bonnie can turn her attention back to Marcie, I grab her wrist and pull it above my head so she cant help but get close to me. I look deep into her eyes and smile that dark smile that lets her know that this is a favor and nothing had better go wrong. She sheepishly looks down and then back into my eyes with her own piercing gaze. I put my lips on hers and shove my tongue into her mouth. She vigorously fights for her own gain and I push her back before I take her right there. Youd better give me a good show, pet. I tell Bonnie as I let her wrist go. It will be. She whispers back into my ear. Bonnie moves to the middle of my bed as I take a seat in the old style Victorian chair I have in my bedroom. Marcie looks at me, her eyes wide. So now you look to me, my pet. Why not earlier when I was trying to teach you? I reply coarsely. She looks away and a tear runs down her face, ashamed that she is going to have sex with this other woman and that I will be watching and allowing it. ‘Anything I can do?’ But he should know by now. No, no there’s nothing he can fucking do—except maybe stop rhyming his sentences. ‘Thank you, sweetie. I’m fine.’ Saving my strength like it’s a bank account, like taking a little out each day so it builds up while I don’t really notice. My best friend is throwing me a Get Well party—kind of a tough-love get out of bed and have a good time thing. Sean’s going along with it, even though he’s never been a huge fan of my friends and they’ll be everywhere. Anyway, it’s this Friday and I’ll have to be presentable, for an afternoon at least, while they put on that self-righteous pillars of strength act, all care and concern for their depressed friend. Even just thinking about it maybe I’m a little tired of them myself. Sean sits gingerly on the edge of the bed, smoothing absently at the comforter. We’d met during the mid-20s realization that college really was the place to find a spouse. No one’s ready to commit—but then? The office’s out of.
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